


What the Heck is a Yard Goat?

by hermioneclone



Category: Gilmore Girls
Genre: Baseball, Fluff and Crack, Gen, Hartford Yard Goats, but this is based on real life, you can't make this stuff up folks
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-04-18
Updated: 2015-04-18
Packaged: 2018-03-23 14:43:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,548
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3772126
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hermioneclone/pseuds/hermioneclone
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A minor league baseball team moves to Hartford. Hilarity ensues.</p>
            </blockquote>





	What the Heck is a Yard Goat?

**Author's Note:**

> 1) I wanted to write this fic ever since [this](http://www.courant.com/sports/baseball/hc-rock-cats-name-0319-20150318-story.html) happened.
> 
> 2) This is a work of fiction inspired by real life events. Any suggestions of corruption are purely speculative for fic purposes and should not be taken as fact.
> 
> 3) This is my first Gilmore Girls fic, which is exciting but also makes me nervous. Lorelai in particular is hard to translate from screen to page, so I hope I did the characters justice.
> 
> Sometimes, Connecticut just Gilmore's itself.

Rory Gilmore chuckled to herself as she checked her phone after her meeting with the press secretary. She had five voicemails and nineteen texts, all from her mother, and all in the course of the last hour that she was in her meeting. Smiling, she dialed her voicemail, tucking her phone under her ear as she sipped her mid-afternoon coffee.

“Rory! Rory! Call me when you get this. Oh, it’s your mother!”

“Heeeey daughter of mine. I need to talk to you pronto.”

“Caaaaaall Meeeeeeee.”

“I know you’re out changing the world one word at a time, but you’re missing the scoop of a lifetime here.”

The last message was just uncontrollable giggling. Amused and more than a little intrigued, she dialed her mother. There clearly wasn’t an emergency of the serious nature, but something was going on. “Finally!” her mother answered overdramatically. “I never thought I would hear from you again!”

“Yes, I fell off the face of the planet while I was a meeting for my job. So tragic.” Rory deadpanned. “So, don’t leave me in suspense. What’s going on? Did someone shave Taylor’s head while he was sleeping again?”

“No, however that is a brilliant idea.”

“Mom!”

“Right, responsible adult figure. Anyways, you know how the Rock Cats are moving to Hartford?”

“Yeah…” Rory confirmed, thought why her mother was getting so excited about a baseball game was beyond her. Luke had taken them both to a game not long after they got married, but she and her mother were much more into the food and the mascot than the actual baseball game. Rory gave Luke credit for only being mildly annoyed; but really, he should have known better.

“They announced the name today.”

“And?”

“Give a good ol’ nutmegger welcome to the Hartford Yard Goats!”

Rory choked on her coffee, sputtering for a minute before responding. “What?”

“That’s right, we got a new Goat in town.”

“I was really rooting for the Hedgehogs,” Rory sighed. “It would have had nice alliteration.”

“I really was pulling for the Whirligigs…”

“You just picked that because you knew it would bug Luke the most. Does he know yet?”

“I’m on my way to the diner as we speak.”

“Take it easy on him, okay? Be nice.”

“I’m always nice!”

“Mom.”

“Fine.”

***

A small smile melted its way onto Luke’s face as Lorelai waltzed in, leaning over the counter to kiss him quickly before plopping herself onto a stool at the counter. There was a glint in her eye that he knew was trouble, but he didn’t care. Truth be told, he kind of loved it. They had been doing this same kind of song and dance for over a decade now and he couldn’t imagine his life without it. And he knew his role to play in this game. “So, what brings you by?” he asked, crossing his arms as he leaned back against the wall.

“Beside my loving husband?” Luke ducked his head, feeling a blush creep up unwittingly. He still got a little gooey when he thought too much about the fact that they were married after so long, and even though he did a good job at trying to keep up the rough exterior for the rest of the world, he couldn’t help but show those moments of vulnerability to his wife. Even in public. “Did you hear the news?”

Luke shook his head. “What news.”

“Guess what name they picked?” Lorelai asked, practically bouncing up and down in her seat. Of course, the big reveal about the Rock Cats new name, he’d almost forgotten that was coming up. He knew that his wife’s enthusiasm on the topic stemmed less from a love of baseball and more of her love of driving him up a wall, but he didn’t mind.

“Oh crap, it’s not the Whirligigs, is it?” he asked, a sinking feeling in his stomach.

“Nope. It’s the Yard Goats.”

Luke snorted. “Seriously? Come on, you have to do better than that.”

“Tell that to the Hartford Yard Goats,” Lorelai replied, pulling up an article on her phone and handing it over. After a little fumbling (he still refused to give up his flip phone because he did not understand touchscreens), he managed to read the piece, shaking his head and muttering to himself.

“This can’t be for real.”

“It is.”

“Do they really think people will take this seriously?” Lorelai opened her mouth. “Don’t answer that.” He huffed heavily. “Yard goats,” he muttered in disdain.

The door was flung open by a gasping Kirk, who managed to choke out “Taylor. Called. Emergency town meeting!” before dashing down the street to continue spreading the news.

“Oh dear lord,” Luke mumbled. “Please tell me this isn’t what I think it is.”

Lorelai patted his hand sympathetically. “Would you expect anything less?”

He couldn’t help but grin. “Probably not. But he’s still an idiot.”

***

“Thank you, citizens of Stars Hollow for coming here today for this urgent emergency town meeting,” Taylor began, gripping the podium tightly as he gleefully greeted his constituents. “As many of you have undoubtedly learned by now, Hartford’s own baseball team has finally gotten a new name. In honor of the Yard Goats and to show our solitarily, I propose that every Stars Hollows resident will be required to have a goat in their front yard.”

“That’s just stupid,” Gypsy shot back.

“But think of all the noise pollution we could cut down on if no one had to mow their lawns anymore!” Taylor argued.

“Morey’s allergic to goat hair!” Babbette yelled out.

“It’s true, I just break out in hives,” he confirmed, nodding his head vigorously.

Luke finally stood up. “Taylor, you know that Yard Goats has nothing to do with goats, right? It’s a railroad term.”

Taylor took a step backwards, flabbergasted. “But that makes no sense!”

“Exactly!” Luke exclaimed, his eyebrows raised expectantly.

“Maybe we need to reconsider reopening Stars Hollow Station….” Taylor mused.

“Meeting adjourned.” Miss Patty announced as she reached around for the gavel, ignoring Taylor’s rants about respecting authority.

***

“There has been quite the mixed reaction on the announcement today about the name of the Hartford Yard Goats. I’m here this evening with a concerned citizen and local doctor at Hartford Hospital, Paris Geller.” The reporter held out the microphone towards the young woman, her blonde hair pulled back severely away from her face.

“Frankly, I am astonished that ‘Yard Goats’ was the final selection when Praying Mantis was the clear leader in this competition. Though, I don’t think I should be too surprised at the result considering we are talking about a sport that reeks of unhealthy masculinity. And I heard that this major marketing decision was made by schoolchildren. Really? I’m sorry Mr. Mayor, but we _cannot_ have children ruling the world, they need to learn boundaries. They can be in charge when they are old enough to conduct backroom dealings to bring a baseball stadium to a neighborhood which would profit more from an affordable place to buy fresh food than gentrification. I really think how this whole mess came into being needs investigating, and I think my best friend, Rory Gilmore, would be the perfect person to dig up dirt on a corrupt-”

“Thank you very much Ms. Geller. There you have it, folks. Lots of people have a lot of questions today. This is Doyle McCaster reporting. Brad, Keisha, back to you.”

***

“Do you want the good news or the bad news first?” Rory asked as she called her mother the next morning.

“I know I’m supposed to say bad news but good news first.”

“Well, I’m going to be in Connecticut for a little while so I’ll be able to be at home for a bit.”

“Rory! That’s awesome! So what’s the bad news?”

“Paris dropped my name in connection to the whole baseball bruhaha and my editor got wind of it and wants me to investigate charges of possible corruption for a local’s perspective. I tried explaining that Stars Hollow is a long way from the city and that baseball wasn’t really my beat, but she’s insisting.”

“Oh honey, I’m sorry,” her mother sympathized.

“I’ll make do. I’ll consider it a paid vacation. I just hope it doesn’t take down my career.”

“Well, if it does, you know who to blame.”

“Paris?”

“The Yard Goats.”

“Has anyone figured out what a Yard Goat is yet?” Rory asked.

“Luke says it’s some kind of hard working train car. Maybe if we get a hockey team back we should forget about the Whalers and call them The Little Skaters that Could!”

“Aw, look at you talking with your sports terms. Luke’s rubbing off on you, isn’t he?”

“Maybe just a little,” her mother confessed. “But I kind of like it.”

Rory smiled. “I’m happy for you, mom.”

“Me too.”

***

Lorelai couldn’t really be blamed if the first thing they did once Rory came home was go to a petting zoo. And she couldn’t be blamed if the goats tried to eat Luke’s hat; it was just their nature.

She could probably be blamed for the goats that mysteriously ended up at her parent’s house. But really, if you couldn’t have a yard goat in Hartford, you couldn’t have one anywhere.


End file.
